[Removed at the request of BS.]
L spoke of experiencing an involuntary, sudden pausing of activity twice in the past few weeks. All thoughts disappeared and he stopped in his tracks, as if suddenly awaking from a dream. He wondered if this was an indication of some change resulting from attention to the Work. In addition he had received a message the previous evening that the musicians who were due to play his latest composition on Thursday had decided not to play it in full, saying that it was too difficult. His reaction to this showed elements of ego which were interesting to observe.
BW has been working on a play for radio, and is trying to find ways to maintain momentum yet remain awake. After summoning the will power to sit down to write and starting in a state of alert wakefullness, he would then during the writing feel himself falling away from this state of alertness, and although writing, slipping into a "sleeping" state. In addition he noted that trying to be present while in contact with other people can be off-putting to them.
M said that people can sense it if another is communicating from a different emotional state. Older people have different viewpoints when communicating, a bigger picture and perspective of time, and have very different ideas from when they were younger.
RM had been considering what the true balance in life should be, and how to wake up and be present. On one occasion, on waking from sleep, he had realised in a flash that happiness is directly related to the degree in which one can become engaged. When ego takes over people disengage, but when ego is released, harmony returns. After much thought, he had what he thought were Gurdjieff's three primary aims.
D's play had been performed on Friday. One of the actors had had only three days to prepare. There had also been very costly amendments necessary to the printed adverts, on which the wrong dates had been put. In the end the performance went well, but he was reminded of the Kate Bush song, Walk Straight Down The Middle:
...He thought he was gonna die, But he didn't.
She thought she just couldn't cope, But she did.
We thought it would be so hard, But it wasn't... It wasn't easy, though!
Z recounted that having found Beelzebub's Tales difficult to tackle in the past, but following the previous meeting, she had renewed interest in it. However she had come down with a virus and lost the impetus to continue.
T could relate to that, having been fired up after the last meeting with the book, she now realised that she hasn't looked at it for a few weeks. She works in Mental Health, and the last few weeks have been distraught, and she hadn't been dreaming. Attending a funeral had seemed cathartic, and dreaming had resumed, as if some sort of healing had started. The Gurdjieff Work has helped make sense of this trauma.
G said he had cruised through life. He does meditation but thought he might be better off in a group. In the mornings he mind is going everywhere. He had read material on Gurdjieff and the Work widely.
"R" related that her mother had died since she was last at a Meeting, and had been unable to come in April. She had encountered very helpful advice from an acupuncturist, who advised that at the start of the day one should be centred. She had found that without being centred, mental work has no value. Sitting quietly for fifteen minutes was an exercise advocated by Gurdjieff.
K had been involved formerly with the School of Economic Science, and used to experience stillness frequently, but over time this had gone from his life. He had tried a number of activities, and found bookbinding particularly useful for forcing one to be present, attentive and focused, as there are some moments in the process which require utter concentration.
A discussion of the contributions followed.
D related to L's experiences of stillness. After his play he felt a huge sense of relief, and noticed a cigarette butt and a stain on the pavement, seeing them with great clarity. L suggested that what D had at that moment was the sense of presence of a painter, seeing something in detail just as it was. D said it gave him a great sense of peace this morning, that the play was all over. RM said that this was because he wasn't associating.
L mentioned that "R"'s exercise of centering was reminiscent of the four principles of ki aikido: Keep one-point, Relax completely, Keep weight underside and Extend ki. T said that we moan about our bodies - that they hurt or ache or don't function as we want them to - but actually we are in our bodies when we are alive, and they are our experience of this existence and they are nearer to us than our surroundings, and one needs to attend more to this body consciousness and not try and escape into ideas or fantasies which are disconnected from this body state; we do not know where we were before we were born and we do not know where we will be when we die but we are in our bodies now and need to give our bodies our attention.
"R" brought up the issue of how one could extend the period of being awake. B said he can awake during stillness but falls asleep trying to apply this in doing some activity. K thought that there are some things we can do, like meditation, to make it more propitious that we might have a period of being awake. RM quoted Gurdjieff as saying that activity should be allowed to come to an end before starting the next - that space and coming to quietness is very important before coming to the next action, like a rest between notes in music. K found it useful to pause when getting into the car, and before leaving it, which gave more periods of temporary wakefulness.
Responding to G, T thought his experience was close to the Gurdjieff idea of self-observation, which can be uncomfortable and difficult, but is the Work. G and "R" discussed the meaning of suffering. "R" thought it was something to work against, one of the ingredients in life, that can be incorporated as a force to help us work.
RM said a useful tool was to remember oneself. G observed that a child is at one with the situation. T said that the child is pure experience and the adult is the observer of experience. "R" emphasised that the child "just is" and the child is not aware of itself experiencing. L talked of Gurdjieff's model of Essence and Personality, in which the child begins as essence and grows a shell of personality which can later be opened. "R" quoted Picasso: "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
Prior to the Meeting continuing with Beelzebub's Tales, RM presented his list of Gurdjieff's primary aims:
THE VISION OF GURDJIEFF
- To investigate from all sides, and to understand the exact significance and purpose of the life of man.
- To discover, at all costs, some manner or means for destroying in people the predeliction for suggestibility which causes them to fall easily under the influence of "mass hypnosis". To develop in themselves rational, independence of thought and action.
- To originate an institution for the preparation of "helper-instructors", in order to be able to put into the lives of people what he had learned.
G asked who decides there is a purpose. "R" said that maybe there is no significance. M thought there has to be significance, otherwise nothing would exist. G said the mind needs a purpose. L talked of the existentialists under occupation in France, who found purpose in resistance. K thought it was up to the individual; some people decide they have a higher purpose. M said there are times when we all wonder what life is all about. To get joy out of life you have to find what you are really cut out to do or really want. There is usually something you can find if you can avoid other distractions. If people can find out their real purpose, it can be quite revealing. L thought it useful for people to cast their minds back to early childhood, as what stirred the child would most closely relate to essence, before the outer shell of personality is formed.
As attention moved to Beelzebub's Tales, K said that initially much of the writing seems nonsense, with long, convoluted sentences, but some parts make sense, e.g. about doing the unconventional. He asked for a quick summary of the book, which was provided by "R": Gurdjieff invented a world of metaphor as if visiting from another planet, which enabled a description of life on this planet from an impartial point of view.
The reading of Beelzebub's Tales then resumed, working clockwise round the table.
"...my dear now deceased grandmother placed her dying left hand on my head and in a whisper, yet very distinctly, said: 'Eldest of my grandsons! Listen and always remember my strict injunction to you: In life never do as others do. ... Either do nothing – just go to school – or do something nobody else does."
BW wondered how to tell the difference between conforming and doing what one wants to do, as rebelling can lead to a different conformity. M thought that not all habits are bad. D said it is hard to step out of the pack.
