L had found the self-observation and restraint exercise a good one, waiting first one minute, then five minutes, and then perhaps to desist. He had also had in mind Gurdjieff's dictum: "Like what it does not like."
RM had been trying to find opportunities to be awake during the day, for example counting steps while walking, or if standing at a bus stop, putting himself slightly off balance.
The result is that he is much more spatially aware. He suffers from anxiety at night, and is becoming more aware of the roots of this anxiety.
D was experiencing a desire for quiet or peace where he lives. There is a roof garden which the gardener has been tending for twenty years - but he drinks. At first D thought the noise was an animal. He has been keeping notes of the incidents. In addition, three times a day he hears the intercom buzzer as care workers visit a woman neighbour. He is thinking of moving. He has not been remembering himself. He wants feedback.
Z had still been working on impatience. She was just recognizing that this allows her to be present and continue more positively, in a different way. She hoped that the exercise of postponing of desires could be continued as she had not tried it yet and wanted to.
T said that the month had been very busy and she had blotted out self-remembering, so nothing came to mind.
"R" had had to prepare for a ten thousand word lecture. She left it till the final week. She felt a temptation to be eating. It was another experience proving that these things don't get easier or go away, but occasionally there is an energy which allows one to be aware of the temptations. An important aspect is physical posture which can get forgotten while working.
BS, in his message from India, ... [Removed at the request of BS.] He wants to test the moral of the Thirsty Crow story: where there's a will, there's a way.
B, in his message, said that although he wouldn't be attending the meeting, he felt that he should contribute something. "It didn't want to", he wrote. "Is there resistance in every action? It seems so. Can't think when that's not the case.
There's a rush to get 'something' out usually, followed by a frustration nothing much has been expressed of any work. As I sit here and type, I'm aware I can take longer than the allocated two minutes, to clarify what to say. I've been writing and deleting for over an hour now and worry everything is a lie. ... I see where to go, but walk with my eyes closed.
I feel almost nauseous writing this drivel. I think I tried."GC was interested to hear what people thought about the subconscious mind. The usual analogy is of an iceberg, mostly below the surface. He had been reading about it.
Time was then given to feedback and discussion of the contributions.
Responding to GC, RM said he had been exploring this for some time. We are not aware of the bottom part of the iceberg, which is made up of memories, and is where dreams come from. Gurdjieff talked of objective consciousness, which was about expanding the 10 percent portion of which we are aware to 11, 12 percent. Christ, Buddha, fully realised people, were probably about 90, 95 percent. A simple concept but its application is very hard to do. When we see the causes, and later the roots, the pain and anxiety will dissolve and we can come through to absolute nirvana, from the dark night of the soul.
D said it was the same with history, or should it be herstory. He is like a warrior; very interested in boxing, the struggle within is like an inner war. He has to let go, has to be in the present. There is a battle between the past and the present, trauma and the present. Also, in response to B, he too has difficulty doing what he plans; he puts things off for an hour before indulging himself more.
T said what what D had described is so over the top. D said the irony is that it is sheltered housing. The accounts from D and B reminded T of a painting she's been working on for ages, but had just got the idea to add one more color. Instead of doing so, she had spent five hours writing a poem, which activity had seduced her away from working on the painting. RM said that the classical psychological term for this is displacement activity. P asked if there was any difference between the unconscious and subconscious mind. "R" said that Gurdjieff had used both terms to mean different things. RM asked what things, and "R" suggested he read Fragments. T said that Freud had also used both terms, and in addition used the term preconscious. RM said that the body cannot tell the difference. M expressed the distinction simply, saying that the unconscious mind is not conscious.
"R" said that it is all very well theorizing about concepts, but it is better to talk about what happens to us, thus putting things to the test. People have been talking about failure and there is no such thing as failure, just as there is no such thing as success. Perhaps D could use the disruptions as a reminder. L said the whole situation reminded him of the story in Beelzebub's Tales of Karapat of Tiflis, whose ringing of bells disturbed the whole town and had him roundly cursed by those who were woken.
The reading from Beelzebub's Tales then continued:
...it was possible sometimes to observe very strange manifestations of theirs, that is, from time to time they did something which was never done by three-brained beings on other planets, namely, they would suddenly, without rhyme or reason, begin destroying one another's existence.
Sometimes this destruction of one another's existence proceeded there not in one region alone but in several, and would last not just one 'Dionosk' but many 'Dionosks' and sometimes even for whole 'Ornakras.' (Dionosk signifies 'day'; Ornakra signifies 'month.')
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| Guernica by Picasso |
Following the reading, it was decided that the exercise for the coming month would repeat the previous one, but with the addition of counting steps while walking, and standing off balance while waiting for a bus.
