Angst and Acquiessence

The Meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, and those present who wished then gave an account, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences and thoughts since the previous Meeting.

P had found the liquid exercise useful, and was remembering herself more.

L had been in discussion with a group of people in a coffee shop, and it transpired that one of them, though not a vegetarian, took special care to protect worms. L had made the remark "We are the worms". Later, reading the current section of Beelzebub's Tales provided a context, as one of the chapters is headed: "The impudent brat Hassein, Beelzebub’s grandson, dares to call men 'slugs'". Gurdjieff had used slugs as a metaphor for human qualities - they are slow and struggle against resistance, but have fine, receptive antennae. He had also recently read references to the triune brain in Kim Stanley Robinson's recent novel 2312, a concept introduced by Paul MacClean, which bears similarities to Gurdjieff's psychological model of "three-brained beings" formulated some years earlier.

RM had not been doing as well with the liquid exercise, but the counting was continuing to help, and he was  remembering where he put things.

D thinks he is being calm, but is getting very frustrated, as musicians for the concert he is organising in memory of his friend have not replied to his messages. He is trying to act calmly, to be indifferent as well as impatient. He thinks he is asleep, and feels as if he is walking in water.

The messages from BS were read out. [Removed at the request of BS.] ... He was reminded of this on the day of writing, the day of remembrance of Lord John Pentland. [Removed at the request of BS.]
 
T had been doing the exercise and experienced the liquid "going down the pipe". This feeling was utterly intimate at the same time as utterly mechanical - liquid flowing down a pipe - our body-machine for processing food.

The meeting then turned to responses to the contributions.

T said that D's experience was like the presence of several selves within a person. It was hard for her to get things together to do the act of painting, and it is several times more difficult to organize a group of people to make an event happen.

Sisyphus by Titian, 1549

D said that when his friend died, he wrote ten pages in a spurt of energy, which then reduced. He had felt like Sisyphus in the essay by Albert Camus, endlessly pushing the boulder up the mountain. Z has been feeling ups and downs of energy. The previous few weeks she has been working on patience. She had "lost it" when defrosting the freezer. Observing when this happens, she is using it as a trigger to awake to being present. D thought that in order to change, a person needs more energy. Z regarded it more like a letting go, and RM agreed. D asserted that energy is needed to do something different.

RM quoted the parable of needing a thorn to remove a thorn, and then throwing the last thorn away. He said he needs an anchor as other boats float by. T said that for her the anchor is her paintbrush, and wondered if for D it was the pen. "R" thought these sound like baggage. Z said this was not the Gurdjieff way. Gurdjieff was not looking for peace but for irritation. RM said the aim was looking for "the one identity".

D described Mark Allen playing snooker in Beijing as being unbeatable, and asked if he is in a state of peace when "in the zone".

L asked RM, referring to the recent meteor explosion over Russia, asking what people feel when they see a meteor heading their way. RM replied they can be in the moment, feel calm and peace. When people think they are going to die, they describe incredible peace. Z preferred the word "centred", nominally. L asked where Gurdjieff's concept of conscious shock comes into "peace". "R" stated that conscious shocks come between plateaus. RM repeated the metaphor of needing a thorn to remove a thorn, stating that this group is another thorn, and at some point he would need a boot to go somewhere else. "R" said that Gurdjieff saw self-calming as evil, and that we are chemical factories to transform courser substances. He was in a dynamic state of being, not a static one.

D asked "When are we deluded and when are we not deluded?" T referred again to the difficulties and resistance to doing creative work and how she had been impressed by a speech on creativity given by John Cleese, which refers to 'open' and 'closed states' of mind, both of which are required for original creative thinking to occur and motivate action.

At 9:45 the reading from Beelzebub's Tales continued. Beelzebub, speaking to his grandson, says:

... If you wish I will tell you first of all about the events of general cosmic character connected with this planet, which were the cause of the said troubles of our ENDLESSNESS.

D asked what "endlessness" means. L inferred from the book's description of Beelzebub's age and life that we live on different time scales from them. "R" agreed and said that a later chapter discusses this and refers to time as "the merciless hero pass". "R" explained that Gurdjieff is giving a view which is not subjective, but objective, looking at the earth and men as if from space. Time is connected with the planet's orbits. Even the life and death of the Milky Way is just a flicker. Z thought endlessness might refer to the part of us which is endless. M reframed this as the part of us which can be elevated to a higher consciousness. RM said that all of us is endless. Z said it helps her to consider that part of us is endless, and doesn't see anything as separate.

D said he feels that he can't die. But he can. He felt that even if he died his angst would not go away. L suggested that angst might be written into our DNA, and talked of the Kabbalistic concept of Ein Soph, meaning literally "no end". With regard to art as a response to death which may give meaning to life, L mentioned the poet Gottfried Benn, who had worked as a pathologist.

The reading continued.

... suddenly, on one of the very busiest days, the whole planet Mars was shaken ... Only after a considerable time had passed ... did we recover and gradually make out what had happened.

We understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon was just that same planet Earth which from time to time approached very near to our planet Mars and which therefore we had possibilities of observing clearly, sometimes even without a 'Teskooano.'

L enquired what a Teskooano was. "R" said it was an invented word, a kind of telescope, much used in what follows.

... the path of the said comet had to cross the line on which the path of that planet Earth also lay; but as a result of the erroneous calculations ... the planet Earth and the comet 'Kondoor' collided...

L commented that even endlessness is subject to chance events and therefore not all-powerful. It was also interesting that comets and meteors were so prevalent in the news in the previous few days.

...this Most High Commission ... resolved that ... planet Earth, should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance, the sacred vibrations 'askokin.'

"This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred 'Heptaparaparshinokh,' and the sacred 'Triamazikamno,' ...

"R" explained these terms referred to the Law of Seven and the Law of Three.

T stessed that the book is fiction. In fact all books and everything written by human beings is fiction, and the truth is that nobody knows anything. "R" said that the book touches something. D asked if "R" believes the book. "R" quoted Gurdjieff's advice not to believe anything unless you can verify it - the book is allegorical. D asked why do so many highly intelligent people believe in religions. L thought peer pressure was a factor. Z was reminded of the metaphor from the Tao Te Ching about the drop of water being indistinguishable from the ocean, if ego can be overcome.

...But afterwards, just in the period when they also, as it proceeds on other similar planets of our great Universe, were beginning gradually to be spiritualized by what is called 'being instinct,' just then, unfortunately for them, there befell a misfortune which was unforeseen from Above and most grievous for them.

Returning to the earlier point, L said that his view of the work was of engaging in struggle, whereas RM's view was of acquiescence. RM said that struggle is about letting go. L said that is possible unless there is an unforseen problem as in the last line of the chapter.

To close the Meeting, there was a discussion to choose the exercise for the coming month. RM suggested it should be to "sacrifice whatever is giving you anxiety on the altar of consciousness." He elaborated that the altar is a representation of consciousness in churches, a symbol. The objective is to be present to whatever is inducing anxiety. and to be aware of the anxiety and hold onto it as the trigger for being present".

On Death and Distraction

The Meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, and those present who wished then gave an account, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences and thoughts since the previous Meeting.

D had suffered the loss of a close friend. He had been surprised by how much he had cried, and wondered whether he had been crying for himself or his friend. He thought this release of emotion very important for men. He had held his friend's hand in hospital, willing him to live. At the funeral, mourners could write a note. D had written: "Up United from an Arsenal supporter ". That was love, he said. In his grief, a poem had come to him which he wrote down.

Z had not managed the exercise at all, but had been giving attention more to what was eating her and where her consciousness was going, and had found that more useful. She had found it really helpful at the last Meeting, when we were reading and paused so that different people could express their thoughts on the text.

T had found the transitory nature of the exercise (lasting for the just the brief instant the liquid strikes the tongue), a reminder and symbol of the transitory nature of life, how one second we are alive and the next second, we are dead.

RM likewise had found the exercise difficult; he had been counting steps while walking, or at home, and over time feels he is becoming more present.

L spoke of a friend who had been considering coming to the previous month's Meeting. He found out a few days later that she had died on the morning of the Meeting. This was somebody quite well and vibrant, a fellow artist. This reinforced in him the importance of fulfilling one's creative aspirations in the present, as she had been doing, rather than waiting till some future time - this had been a topic of discussion last time.

GC had found it impossible to do the exercise. He had remembered it before and after the moment of drinking. Although he had suggested the exercise, it had come to him "out of the blue".

P had found the exercise very difficult, although she would sometimes have it in mind before drinking her coffee. She was intending to continue with this difficult exercise.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

S said she was new to the meeting, but had originally read "In Search of the Miraculous" in Japanese, a long time ago. Recently she had come across this book again, and resumed the practice of self-remembering, which she had been finding very difficult. Since resuming this practice, she had been having vivid dreams. She had been considering the distinction between thought and emotion.

The meeting then turned to responses to the contributions.

Since his bereavement, D has been doing more creative work. Before he was lackadaisical about it, now he feels it is spiritually important. L's music comes to mind. It is an issue becoming relevant to mental health. Writing is a form of self-awareness. It is important to have a balance between being and doing. One cannot deny one's emotional content. He felt freed by all the crying. His friend had died because he could not express his emotions. He had suffered from high blood pressure. Developers sacrifice their lives for their designs.

RM has found it extraordinary how we are becoming more aware of the human condition. We are aware of how difficult it is. The first thing is to know that you are in a prison. We need a shock to get us to want to wake up. Without the shock it will not happen. You have to hit a really hard place. He can remember himself when drinking. At a Gurdjieff school he once attended, they kept changing the exercise to keep it unexpected.

GC asked, "What is the human condition?"

By Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,
 from "The Little Prince".

M replied that it was a state of sleep.

GC said it was knowledge of mortality, our three score years and ten.

L said it was also about loneliness and solitude. As far as we know we are alone in the universe. Even after we colonise the planets, the stars will be too far away to visit.

At 9:45 the reading from Beelzebub's Tales continued.


AFTER the captain had gone, Beelzebub glanced at his grandson and, noticing his unusual state, asked him solicitously and with some anxiety:

"What is the matter, my dear boy? What are you thinking so deeply about?"

Looking up at his Grandfather with eyes full of sorrow, Hassein said thoughtfully:

"I don't know what is the matter with me, my dear Grandfather, but your talk with the captain of the ship has brought me to some exceedingly melancholy thoughts... 

Only now have I come very clearly to understand that everything we have at the present time and everything we use – in a word, all the contemporary amenities and everything necessary for our comfort and welfare – have not always existed and did not make their appearance so easily.

"It seems that certain beings in the past have during very long periods labored and suffered very much for this, and endured a great deal which perhaps they even need not have endured."

L could relate to this in terms of the history of music, which is taken for granted. Our world is full of objects created by other human beings.

Hassein continues:

"...And so, my dear and kind Grandfather, now that owing to your conversation with the captain, I have gradually, with all my presence, become aware of all this, there has arisen in me, side by side with this, the need to make clear to my Reason why I personally have all the comforts which I now use, and what obligations I am under for them."

L commented that he was beginning to see a possible symbolic meaning in the roles of the main characters. Does the Captain symbolise reason, and Beelzebub wisdom? This might be an additional set of metaphors to add to the description of the spaceship's propulsion system which is reminiscent of Freud's allusion to thermodynamics in his psychodynamic model of the human mind. The Captain keeps coming and getting called away, which may symbolise the difficulty of maintaining attention.

RM said the captain may symbolise action. The child symbolises discovery. and sadness about taking everything in the world for granted; and also experiences guilt and awe of existence - everything seems magical or miraculous to him. We are attempting to wake up. D queried if it was necessary to bring in guilt, which we tend to project onto us.

Following the reading, it was decided to repeat the exercise of the previous month, but to extend the period until the drink has been finished.

Mortal Toil

The meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, followed by descriptions of relevant experiences since the previous Meeting.

Z had become aware of how much she had missed by missing a meeting. She felt she had drifted. She is more aware of what she is being eaten by, for example petty annoyances like not being able to find things.

T spoke of the reading for the month. It was initially about the spaceship, and quite technical, but she was moved by the later section about being-duty, where Beelzebub is talking to the child, Hassein, about requiring a period of preparation for the future.

RM said that, like Z, he had been battling against attachments, which might be petty annoyances, and are very distracting. Recently, preoccupied with such thoughts, he dropped a cup of coffee he was walking with - it cost twenty minutes. This issue really gets in the way of being in the present, which is what he is working on at the moment.

D has been reminded of mortality. He had a meal at Christmas with a friend, and phoned some days afterwards for a chat. A stranger answered and told him his friend had been taken ill and was in hospital. He has been visiting the friend. He went for a health-checkup himself. He has been doing the awareness exercises, and feels much more aware after this wake-up call.

M also spoke of distractions, saying they were a fiendish trap, by which one is robbed of one's time, and that it was an interesting coincidence how many were speaking of this in the Meeting, and suggesting that this indicates this problem be given special attention.

L had been influenced by the part of the month's reading in which Beelzebub advises his grandson to reach a negotiation with the different parts of his psychological being, asking each not to dominate as they will interfere with broader progress in the bigger picture.

GC has had some personal problems over the month, and had tried to separate himself from the problem. It had been difficult to sleep, and he talks to himself when that happens. Separation doesn't help him in that context, as the question arises who it is that wants to sleep.

P has been doing the awareness exercise with food. This type of practical exercise was a new experience for her, which she appreciated, as in other groups there had been lots of reading but less practical work.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

Responses to the contributions were then offered.

D thought that in the Meetings, we speak too much about the metaphysical. He wants more time to be spent dealing with our practical experience, analysing at which moments we stopped becoming conscious. If he got his group going he would want two-thirds of the time to be spent on that. Z outlined what the meeting is doing - discussing such issues and then reading from Beelzebub's Tales. T was not sure it would make any difference to discuss the problem more. GC said it would give moral support. RM maintained the solution is simpler, it is just to avoid distraction, and be in the present. L argued that this might just be turning a dream into a more vivid dream. Waking up is about consolidating round a single centre. Meeting with other people who are asking questions about what is real is a way of helping stir us from the dream. we need other people to pull us up. T added, or bring us down. Z said that if we do not wake up to this question, life lives us.

GC talked of simpler societies where people shared a common belief system, with no intellectualising. T mentioned the case of Malala Yousufzai of Pakistan, shot for promoting education for girls. L said that everyone had freedom of thought, but not all had freedom of expression. He preferred our sophisticated societies over the simple ones. GC pointed out that although they are asleep, simple societies are more at one with their environment. L said that things should be simplified, but they need to be as complicated as they need to be to enable the expression of freedom in action."

M said we must understand that we live in a common world and an inner world (comprising a soul, an eternal part, which very few are conscious of). The common interest of society is very different from the personal.

GC said the personal world is really imaginary. L responded that we are not natural. Anything we are doing can be an illusion and we might be asleep. He thought it best to follow the ABC principle: Assume nothing, Believe nothing, Check everything. An apparent experience of waking up might be a delusion.

Z mentioned the metaphor of the onion, where outer levels of skin are successively peeled away, and asked what was left of the personal world then? Did this process help one see more clearly?

Responding to D, L opined that death is our friend, in that not knowing when death will come helps him be awake. He went to a Christmas Party where somebody his age would normally have been present, but had recently suffered an accident falling down stairs, and had not recovered. This happened for no reason at all and suddenly she was gone. D said that it's not the events that rock your life, it is your reactions to them. The news he had received about his friend was a shock that woke him up to be present in himself. We take a lot for granted. We are attempting to wake up and we are falling asleep. We know the difference between being there and not being there. The effort for him is to be more present. Being more present, his sense of presence improves.

The Meeting continued reading Beelzebub's Tales.

...in spaces where there is no resistance, contemporary ships like ours simply fall towards the nearest 'stability'; but in spaces where there are any cosmic substances which offer resistance, these substances, whatever their density, with the aid of this cylinder enable the ship to move in any desired direction.

The Meeting agreed that this was a reference to resistance to waking, which can be useful as something to work against.

Later he alludes to perpetual motion, inferring that the journey to awakening can be sustained purposefully.

"... it can safely be said that, with atmosphere alone given, it will work perpetually without needing the expenditure of any outside materials.

"And since the world without planets and hence without atmospheres cannot exist, then it follows that as long as the world exists and, in consequence, atmospheres, the cylinder-barrels invented by the great Archangel Hariton will always work.

For the coming month's exercise, GC suggested using the moment when liquid touches the tongue as a trigger for self-observation.

Votive Motive

The meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute. Then observations of relevant experiences since the previous Meeting were shared.

BS said [Removed at the request of BS.]

BW had been continuing meditation twice a day and writing as well. These activities are becoming habitual. As for eating and being eaten, he is aware that he can be eaten by a lust for instincts. There is a part of him that can take over in that moment, controlled by an ulterior motive. He can sublimate those instincts into his art.

This reminded D of an occasion when he gave a talk at the library after his book launch; unexpectedly he found himself in a situation where he had to preside over events. He just got on with the talk, and followed it with a question and answer session. The main theme was anxiety and depression, which he was able to talk about easily. It went so well, it was as some natural force took over. Somehow in this circumstance he climbed out of the dark pit, how free he felt! It was like two realities battling within. Emotions overrode any rationality.

RM said that over the past year he had developed the Fourth Way thinking, the practical application of the Fourth Way going back to Ouspensky's teaching. He ran a three hour workshop on this the previous Thursday evening. He was aware of communicating these ideas, and the sense of presence he experienced was unbelievable. He was a worker in that field to help people, and acknowledges that he doesn't do anything, it just happens, the laws of nature work, cause and effect. The cause started some time ago. The effect is on what he does, being present to that flow, which is extraordinary.

L had noticed different states where there has been a growing wakefulness. On one occasion, walking downhill to where he lives, he let the walking happen rather than doing the walking. It felt easier and faster and very freeing. He felt this was self-observation. There was something doing the walking. He let it get on with doing what it was doing. A sub-system that was operating. He had the experience of the multiple functionalities of whatever creature he was. In relation to the reading and the concept of the "law of falling", this experience did feel a bit like falling. By falling into this activity without interfering, he experienced that there is more space in which to observe.

T had looked through a year of sketchbooks, and noticed a difference in the quality of the drawings. The earlier ones are where she used figure/ground for the proportion, without any other frame of reference. Later she began using the floorboards as a way of measuring the picture, and a concertina door with regular intervals at the back of the figure. The framework was found in the actual reality in front of her. She then began to use the classical technique of measuring with the pencil in front of her eye to create a grid on the paper, in order to better see what went where in the drawing. What she saw when looking through the drawings is that by using the figure ground framework that she looked for in what she was seeing in front of her gave rise to a framework that was visible in the figure and made it look wooden or quite artificial as if the structure was embodied in the figure. But by creating a framework that didn't exist in the material reality seen by her eyes but was a measuring tool creating a grid in between her and the figure/ground it gave rise to proportions that were different, and to drawings that seemed to be not by her, but by another agency. This felt like a shift from one habitual behaviour to another habitual behaviour.

Windsor Painted Antique Chair,
by Stephen Kilburn,
Massachusetts, USA.

"R" considered money to be an enabling function. If you are really hungry in your search for something, you should bring your attention to every possible moment that you remember. Inspiration of the moment frees you enough to be open to something, aligning yourself with some kind of energy. The poor rural craftsmen who made their own chairs, put beautiful decorations on those chairs.

RM talked of moving from habit to presence. When the three brains work in harmony, there is a relationship between them, almost like another centre. When all three centres are working together, they have to move very slowly, at the speed of the slowest part.

L suggested as hypothesis the existence of a fourth centre, the artistic or creative centre, which moves at a slower pace still. RM thought this might effectively be the synthesis of the other three. When the three centres are out of balance you can see the dominance of one of the three. There is the demonic and the spiritual in battle with each other. When you are doing the work of self-remembering and you take this with you into the arts it is a truly spiritual pursuit. You have to be real, you have to be here now. Then the process is grounded, self-directed and harmonious. You can ask the same question about art as you can about money. Who is in charge? Are you in charge of your money or is your money in charge of you?

Pablo Picasso

L said that if an artist is open to the Muse, he is not open to the agent. Great art is inspired by the Muse, and does not get in the news. It is reactive and political art which is reported by the media. Art is part of human nature - Picasso said "Every child is an artist". His painting Guernica was a commission from the Spanish Government, but his earlier "blue period" paintings were a freer expression of his spirit with no financial or political motive.

"R" queried in what way early artists doing cave paintings were engaged in self-observation. L suggested that whether cave man or modern artist, the person is translating three dimensions into two, and has to be an observer, and whatever is painted is portrayed through the lens of that observer and in that sense acts like a mirror. T thought that "primitive" peoples might have been more aware than we are now. A said that great artists don't do it for money. There were great artists during the depression. She asked RM how to tell if one is grounded - we are always slaves.

The Meeting then resumed the reading of Beelzebub's Tales. The description of the spacecraft's propulsion system continues...

Striving to find an outlet from this, for them constricted, interior, they naturally press also against the lid of the cylinder-barrel, and thanks to the said hinges the lid opens and, having allowed these expanded substances to escape, immediately closes again. And as in general Nature abhors a vacuum, then simultaneously with the release of the expanded gaseous substances the cylinder-barrel is again filled with fresh substances from outside, with which in their turn the same proceeds as before, and so on without end.

Thus the substances are always being changed, and the lid of the cylinder-barrel alternately opens and shuts.  

To this same lid there is fixed a very simple lever which moves with the movement of the lid and in turn sets in motion certain also very simple 'cogwheels' which again in their turn revolve the fans attached to the sides and stern of the ship itself...

Discussing these passages, the Meeting assumed they pertained to psychological metaphor. L noted that Freud used the metaphor of thermodynamics in his psychodynamics model of the mind, being familiar with the work of the scientist Helmholtz. Similarly we, in our time, see computers as a metaphor for the mind.

Following the reading, it was decided to continue the same exercise as the previous month.

Holy Crap

BS, in his message from India, spoke of possible symbolism in images of Shiva. The closed eyes stop energy from going out. The crescent moon may represent balance and growth. The Ganges flowing out of his hair may represent new birth. The trident may be about time - past, present and future, with the middle one, representing the present, being the sharpest. On his left, the damru (small drum) may be an instrument of awakening, and the snake a symbol of subtle energy or of facing fear. 

The bull shows sheer power and health. The energy of the pindi (or body) is considered to flow down, and if that flow is stopped, it will rise up, hence the Ganges depicted flowing from the head, "activating Higher Intellectual Centre ...In some images of Shiva, there is shown a bowl hanging above from which water is falling drop by drop falling on Pindi and going down to the earth.  Or life passing breath by breath. Second by second, centuries pass."

BW has been meditating twice daily, and been experimenting with lucid dreaming, and has succeeded in having two lucid dreams. He has managed to complete a play to a specific deadline. On the other hand he had a simple form to complete in five minutes, but it took him hours to get round to filling it in. He has been reading about enneagram personality types, and recognised himself as type 3, as one who seeks approval from external sources.

D has put his project for extra meetings on hold, as there have been obstacles to the arrangements for venue.  There is so much work going on in the flats, replacing radiators - it is going on for weeks, the noise and commotion! He can't write at the moment, and is reducing what he does. He watches TV. Football is a distraction from the neck and back pain that he is experiencing. However today he felt more present, and woke up to come to the Meeting in the rain.

RM appreciated BS's email about Shiva, which he has been thinking about in the context of his reinterpretation of the Bhagavad Gita. He thinks it is about the death and birth of Shiva. It occurred to him that this whole thing about death is that it destroys the past. He thinks Shiva destroys the past, that everything he holds onto must be destroyed before he can move on. By not feeling consumed by the past, the next moment comes alive. "Consuming the past feeds the present". When he works practically with this attitude, e.g. building a motor car or anything, letting everything go in the past, he feels so much alive.

L said he had found the mindfulness exercise useful, and had used an app as suggested the previous month. It had been interesting to give attention to a part of the body using GC's trigger of when one feels uncomfortable with what one is doing. He has also been experiencing a growing congruence between different aspects of his life and work. Our culture separates art from science and he thinks it is possible to approach everything the same way. In more than one aspect of his work he is using Fibonacci ratios and golden rectangles.

Over the past month M has experienced trying to remember himself. There is always a choice to do something or not, always a reason to put something off (i.e. forces to put one to sleep again). If reviewing to-do lists shows that more things are being done, it is like a personal victory to staying awake.

T has observed that applying the technique of cursing the cursers to her own family, as in the story of Karapet of Tiflis, she is cursing her own parents and grandparents. We are all related so by cursing the cursers she is cursing herself. She has adapted the procedure following this realisation.

GC has been advised to try an exercise of becoming aware of his right arm, and finds he can be thus absorbed, but thinks he also needs to be aware of the outside world. There is an issue of how to combine these two types of observation.

"R" recalled that since being small, she has had the intuition that consciousness means being more aware of oneself. She has tried for a long time to be aware of every cell in her body, but always, eventually, stops being awake, and wonders why the state of wakefulness cannot by sustained. She thinks that working with other people with the same aim can help. Like D, she has an aching back which is very uncomfortable; and it is very strange, but when she is dreaming about something, the ache disappears. She thinks that it should be the other way round, that the pain should go when in a state of wakefulness.

The Meeting then considered responses to the initial contributions.

Responding to GC, D said he had to combine both internal and external experience. He thinks his pain is not just a pain, but is to do with what's going on around him. The constant refurbishment of his flat is annoying. He was a victim of authority in childhood, and can become too subjective - he feels he has to get over the obsession with himself. Walking over the Heath, being in nature always helps him. Walking through the concrete jungle, sometimes the song of a robin wakes him up. He has been talking to RM, who goes abroad frequently - the journeys help wake him up. T asked if the workers at his flat were waking him up. She said things happen to stop her working - when she begins her work, external noise will sometimes start at that precise moment, "on the dot". Perhaps the workers are providing a shock. RM said there is no shortage of external shocks, though they might not be noticed - these shocks can give energy.

M returned to the subject of meditation - you should keep in mind how you are and how you would like to be. This gives an indication of how you might improve. Over time, slowly, this type of meditation changes one's life. "R" quoted from the Bhagavad Gita, "No effort is wasted".

RM had been asking, what is a balanced life? At the start of the day, the world is in balance, then the day brings changes. On a recent voyage he had been invited to run a meditation group - this can go inwards (candles and sandals brigade) or outward (also an escape) - when getting a balance he felt a harmony. GC said that when he is experiencing balance, it finishes. He recommended reading the book Inside a Question, and asked BW to read out an excerpt:

I should end with a saying by Mr Gurdjieff: "Only two possibilities are open to Man, either to eat or be eaten by all these things we trust or obey."

GC queried if it is necessary to obey them, he needed vision and asked for comment by "R", who replied that everything in the universe feeds on something else - we in our turn may be working to feed something else; maybe all this agonising is part of the wastage of energy. We can try to get closer to energy that motivates the universe, which may be expressing itself. If we say eat or be eaten, we are speaking of an instinctive understanding to transform courser substances into finer ones. L quoted Dostoevsky, "Beauty will save the world". M said you are eaten with aggravation when things don't go your way. That "going wrong" is your being eaten. Z said that in the extract read out, she had a resistance to the word "obey". She prefers "obedience". Obedience to what you know is right, what effort to make.

D asked if one would know what to do if one were more present. RM said this would be the case. GC provided a counter-example - becoming aware that a backgammon opponent is better doesn't make you better, even if you are in the present. He recommended reading "Gurdjieff for Beginners" and did not agree with the monthly reading from Beelzebub's Tales.

The period for responses completed, the Meeting continued with the reading from Beelzebub's Tales. Beelzebub actually begins his tales to his grandson, talking of the strange beings inhabiting the third planet of the solar system to which he had been exiled:

The external coatings of the three-brained beings of that planet Earth closely resemble our own; only, first of all, their skin is a little slimier than ours, and then, secondly, they have no tail, and their heads are without horns. What is worst about them is their feet, namely, they have no hoofs; it is true that for protection against external influences they have invented what they call 'boots' but this invention does not help them very much.

Apart from the imperfection of their exterior form, their Reason also is quite 'uniquely strange.' ...  has gradually degenerated, and at the present time, is very, very strange and exceedingly peculiar.

Before Beelzebub can elaborate, the Captain arrives and a discussion, apparently on developments in spacecraft technology, ensues.

For an exercise until the next meeting, "R" proposed one on the eating theme, what one eats and how one eats - eating on all levels. Reduce it to trying to be present when picking up knife and fork. Self belief and confidence are important, as is having a sense of audience.

Mindfulness and the Bell

The meeting began at 9am. A silence of one minute was observed. D distributed copies of his proposal for more frequent meetings, and regards from RM were passed on, who was travelling, but would be attending the next month.

Each person present then volunteered a presentation, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences from the previous month.

BS, whose messages are now being forwarded in advance to attendees, [Removed at the request of BS.] "... in India people used to fast on Mondays in reverence to Lord Shiva, God of Death, thus remembering death every week which can empower the mind to face any fear provided it is not done mechanically"). He wished BW well for finishing his play, suggesting there should be a Start command as well as a Stop one, from his own self, "bulldozing the resisting 'I'".

BW has noticed that he feels different now compared to when he joined in February; periods of self-remembering are short but they are coming more frequently. He is experiencing times of anger and frustrations, and sometimes bickering with others more frequently than in the past. He feels these feelings and observes them. In terms of D's letter, anything that will make him become more aware is going to be beneficial. He does have a desire to take things further.

Z related that although she valued meditation, it was hard for her to get around to it. But she has discovered a new app for her phone, Mindfulness Bell (for iPhone or Android), which you can set as often as you like. It has been good for her. She also would like to meet more often than once a month.

M had noticed, when reviewing some of the literature which he hadn't read for years, that he now has a different understanding. It is showing him that he is adding to his understanding all the time. He was impressed with the accumulation of knowledge that he has, that is showing only now, a long time after he read it. He was quite thrilled.

T had been experimenting with what troubled her the most in the last reading, about the concept of cursing the cursers who do not wish to be woken up. She thought that it is because she is bringing the idea of art, which is a naturally subversive influence, into an institution, that the staff are ill at ease with what she represents. She tried the practice before going to work, and was very surprised that the experience of her days felt different, and she felt less ill at ease. She then forgot to do it one day, and experienced feeling ill at ease at work. It was only after a day of familiar awful feelings that she remembered that one of the ingredients of the day was that she had not cursed the cursers. This second experience came as a surprise to her and reinforced the changed experience of the days when she had remembered. She was doing this to protect herself in an unsympathetic environment to better enable her to fulfil her function within the system.

D has been experiencing emotional blackmail, succumbing to pressure to do things. He has theatre friends doing a play and because they came to see his, he felt an obligation to say "Yes" to going but now he is angry with himself.

L recalled reading a news item from the elections in Venezuela, which seemed to resonate with discussions at the Meetings. Chávez, who faces a serious illness, has begun referring to himself in the third person, in a thought-provoking way, as if he is putting ego aside. In a recent rally he said, "I have made many mistakes, but I am here with all my soul. Chávez is not me. Chávez is the people. Chávez will not fail you the next term ... during the next term he will be a better president, more efficient, a better companion." Meanwhile his opponent Capriles described the election as a "spiritual battle".

All present had spoken, and the Meeting moved to the stage of responding to them.

Following up Z's suggestion of the iPhone app, BW was reminded of the phrase, "the truth, the whole truth, and anything else that works". G asked if the individual is the best person to decide what they need to do to wake up, and L responded that he thought we need others to bring ourselves back to wakefulness. G said he was interested to meet more often, if people were serious. As self-remembering is so difficult, the more frequent back-up of a group would be useful, to be able to discuss it. Gurdjieff teaches that we have to be in control, to stop automatic behaviours so we then have a set of choices as to what we decide to do. L mentioned that there is a technique to avoid automatic behaviour, by throwing a dice to decide which of several actions would be taken. This allows something outside of yourself to randomly decide the choice of action. G agreed but stressed that none of the choices should be dangerous. L referred to the research of Ralph Nelson Elliott which indicated that society en masse is likewise subject to automatic behaviour, that on a bigger scale there may be something at work driving the movement in the stock market, as on the smaller scale of individual consciousness there is something at work driving the movement of the individual, or in the physical body where the leg jerks if tapped below the knee. Elliot called his book Nature's Law - The Secret of the Universe, a reference to his belief that the patterns he had discovered were universal.

On the benefits of rereading familiar material, D agreed with M, having had similar experiences coming back to books read in the past. He had read Steppenwolf three times, in his twenties, forties and sixities, and loved it each time, though experiencing it differently with each reading. G had loved Knulp, finding it a "lovely, evocative book", and also found Knut Hamsun's novel, Hunger, brilliant. L recalled standing in front of a wall of books at a large Cambridge bookshop, and asking his finger to fall on the most important book for him to read. It had landed on The Glass Bead Game, which he had much enjoyed, in particular some of the poems at the end, like the reflective Stages. Z had found Journey to the East particularly meaningful.

The discussion ended at this point. Introductions were made to F, who had recently finished reading Beelzebub's Tales, and is at present studying the Pistis Sophia in relation to a "lost gospel" which the National Geographic reported found in 2006.

The reading of Beelzebub's Tales then resumed. Chapter 2 opens with a dramatic change of scene, being set in a star ship.

Through the Universe flew the ship Karnak of the "transspace" communication.

In this chapter we are introduced to Beelzebub and his eponymous grandson, Hassein. There was much discussion over the symbolism or otherwise, of this part of this chapter. L observed that the description of one part of the space-craft as a bell-like enclosure, fitted with the use of the bell as a symbol of awakening in the story of Karapet of Tiflis.

At the time of this narrative, Beelzebub with Hassein ... were seated on the highest "Kasnik," that is, on the upper deck of the ship Karnak under the "Kalnokranonis," somewhat resembling what we should call a large "glass bell," ...

This meeting was soon brought to an end when

... it was reported to Beelzebub that the captain of their ship wished to speak with him ...

and there the chapter and the reading ended, as scheduled at 10:30.

There was a discussion about which exercise to practice for the coming month. L pointed out that two-way remembering is not a Gurdjieff exercise, but was invented by Ouspensky, who himself described it as possibly a very incomplete, definition of "self-remembering". Z recalled an exercise from a group she had been in, to concentrate physical awareness of a part of the body, e.g. a foot. This could be triggered by a feeling of anger, or sorrowfulness for oneself. G suggested, as a trigger, to do the exercise at any time when one is not happy with what one is doing.

Cursing and Rehearsing

The meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, followed by a presentation by some of those present, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences over the previous month.

BS, in his message from India, related [Removed at the request of BS.] Paraphrasing Rabindranath Tagore, his experience reflected the opening of one of that artist's verses:

I slept, I dreamt, that life was beauties.
I woke, I found that life was duties.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

BW related that this could be his last meeting for a few months. He is moving out of London. He is conscious of his behaviour and habitual movements, which he can stop at will. He has written the fourth draft of his latest play. He is aware of not wanting to sit down and write and having to force himself so to do.

"R" had read the notes of the previous meeting, which seemed to her to be related to fear, yet in contrast there was celebration going on in the world around us, a courageous joyful energy which is quite extraordinary, nothing to do with the political situation, opposite to the pessimism of Ouspensky. Strangers talking to each other, not just at the carnival, something spontaneous coming forth which is longed for inside herself and is generally not noticeable. Is it totally a product of sleep? Is there something afoot, some undercurrent in us here?

RM had set up a major project for him to re-interpret the Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching. He has been working on it for a couple of hours a day. He said we are always in the middle. Whenever you go one way, you have to go the other way. A chess player has to play with the pieces. The key is to keep himself safe. How important it is, not to run away to the sandals and candles brigade.

L had been unable to do two way self remembering, partly because he was not sure what it was. But he had found the chess metaphor interesting, in that as a chess-player might already be in a self-observant state, if he were self-remembering it might be an additional degree of remembering.

D chose to read from a sheet he had found at a church in Brighton, and been very impressed by. It included an account of looking at a flower in a state of extreme mindfulness. He concluded by asking whether this example of the Buddhist practice of mindfulness was over the top?

In contrast, T recounted that when looking at a flower and trying to paint it, she has had feelings of hating the flower, because she has found it so difficult to see it at all, and to translate what is difficult to see into paint.

There being no further contributions from those attending, the Meeting then moved to responses to what had been said.

Z said that when she comes into a state of mindfulness, her eyesight becomes clearer, she is not just focusing on one thing. RM said that the reason for her improved eyesight is that the body adjusts to loving illusion; the eyes adjust, the eyes settle to one reality.

M related mindfulness to beingness (a term from Scientology). D's reading had pointed out the difference in depths of perception, we should know just what the terms mean. In meditation you usually have to make an improvement in an event you would like to see happen. How do you know that you are doing the right thing? A meditative period is useful if it helps you make a decision, and should have a purpose, for example whether or not your depth of perception has been increased. Afterwards ask, has anything happened in the meditation or not? Has there been communication from a higher plane? Meditation has to be linked to an action, otherwise it remains a thought. What is the purpose of meditation? There is a comparison between how things are and how one would like things to be.

Z said that she had never heard that idea about meditation.

L's understanding of meditation was that it was not about having a purpose, but rather letting all thoughts go.

GC is meditation one thing for every body? People at the Meeting had differing ideas as to what it was. His idea for meditation is that a person is who they are by viewing their own behaviour. When do you begin to observe yourself? You recognise an action, its very hard not to judge. Principles, honesty and values are requisite.

"R" said that mindfulness is a feeling of emptiness, a feeling of utter boredom. There may be a fear of one's nothingness. Empty isn't bad, it's truth. There are less riches stored up in the inner bank account than we would like.

D spoke of the fear of not coming out of the emptiness. Essence is emptiness, and doesn't have a a lot of luggage. Mind is not different from essence. They are connected. It's easier in the ashram. Being mindful that a thought comes in.

L related this idea to a theme in Scarlett Thomas's latest novel, Our Tragic Universe, in which the heroine, told in childhood by a fortune teller that she would come to nothing, comes to understand in adulthood that is a worthy goal, a zen-like renunciation of identity.

M asked what entity was using the mind subject to will.

It being 9:45am, the Meeting then continued with the Reading from Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson.

In this final part of the introductory chapter, Gurdjieff is explaining that his attempt to awaken the reader might elicit resistance, and to explain this introduces the character Karapet of Tiflis, whose job it was to awaken the railway workers every morning with a piercing whistle which unwittingly disturbed the whole town. In turn, Karapet intoduces his own character, a dog-catcher.

Just when my friend the barber-surgeon beckoned me to stop, he was aiming to throw his net, at the opportune moment, at his next victim, which at that moment was standing wagging his tail and looking at a bitch. My friend was just about to throw his net, when suddenly the bells of a neighboring church rang out, calling the people to early morning prayers. At such an unexpected ringing in the morning quiet, the dog took fright and springing aside flew off like a shot down the empty street at his full canine velocity.

Then the barber-surgeon so infuriated by this that his hair, even beneath his armpits, stood on end, flung his net on the pavement and spitting over his left shoulder, loudly exclaimed:

'Oh, Hell! What a time to ring!'

G asked for an explanation of this passage, and L said it was structured as a story within a story within a story, in each case about the discomfort of being abruptly awoken from sleep or reverie.

Continuing with the reading, Karapet realises that he himself must be cursed every morning by the townsfolk.

I, continuing to ponder, came to the conclusion that if I should curse beforehand all those to whom my service for the benefit of certain among them might seem disturbing, then ... however much all those ... might curse me, it would have ... no effect on me at all.

And in fact, since I began to do so, I no longer feel the said instinctive uneasiness.

T said she had been greatly affected by the reading but couldn't recall why exactly at the start of the Meeting. She had been exceptionally busy and was consequently quite exhausted and had not got anything to report about the Work over the month. But this part of the reading reminded her what point she had been affected by, about cursing others before they curse her. She was troubled by this as it felt against her nature to curse others. G made the point that this pre-emptive cursing acts as a protection for her to do her work.

As the Meeting ended, it was decided again to try the two-way self-remembering exercise. In response to a query from L, RM explained that this was the two-headed arrow. (This exercise does not come from Gurdjieff, and the idea was first mentioned, with reservations, by Ouspensky in his book In Search Of The Miraculous.)