Hush and Brush

The Meeting began at 9am with a one minute silence, and then most of the attendees gave an account, for up to two minutes, of experiences since the previous Meeting.

Leonard Cohen meditating, 1995
Photograph: Neal Preston

T had been reflecting about the suggestion from "R" in the previous Meeting that the paint brush of the artist or the pen of the creative writer might be baggage as well as everything else - for her it is essential. She wondered whether her practice in painting was robotic, mechanical behaviour as well. She was unsure if she had remembered the assertion correctly but it had stayed with her. She requested a response later after the individual contributions. She has experienced, when drawing and painting, an awakening of sorts, and the thought that the act of painting was another form of baggage getting in the way of becoming more aware seemed undermining of the creative process as a method of awakening to a higher consciousness. If writing or any of the creative arts were baggage or luggage, then she wondered what was left for becoming more aware, other then meditating 24/7, i.e. doing nothing 24/7. She sited the example of Leonard Cohen who had gone to a Zen monastery for five years but had come back out and was singing again.

Z had been trying the exercise, and observed anxiety three times, but it did not disappear. She had found, however, that she had been able to surrender her impatience upon observing it.

B had experienced quite a good month, with periods when he felt he was more aware, but he could not sustain them, and he wanted some mechanism of waking again.

D had read research which showed that reading the news had a negative effect on readers and he couldn't understand why the newspapers focused on the bad and the disastrous, and why people read them. He knows that he himself is drawn to such stories.

L had observed again a parallel between the sections read in Beelzebub's Tales and events in the previous month. The description of a comet striking Earth was paralleled by the meteor exploding over Russia. The part which describes setting up a colony on Mars was followed by reports of projects to do that, and in fact recruitment had just begun for one of them. And in the Meeting itself, reading of the Law of Falling and the Law of Catching Up, seemed exemplified by the fact that the April reading repeated what had been read in March, but did not get as far, and likewise part of the discussion covered the same ground. Perhaps this was the Law of Falling at work, and we were now engaged in the Law of Catching Up.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

The remaining time until 10:30 was devoted to reactions to the initial comments.

L responded to BW by suggesting he use the smartphone app Mindfulness Bell to jolt him into wakefulness at random intervals.

"R" said, in response to D, that there is a paper called, "Good News", but it is dull - no news is good news, but bad news is always more exciting and interesting than happy news, and stops people in their tracks.

Following on from Z's comments, P said she had also attempted the exercise of sacrificing anxiety on the altar of consciousness, but it had not worked for her as she experienced the anxiety state continuing. She asked what it meant. RM said that the altar of consciousness was being aware of one's own body as the altar, the seat of self-remembering. The body is also the very place where anxiety occurs. Something outside of ourselves grips us with fear. If attention is brought to the body, the seat of consciousness, and attention is brought to self-remembering the body, the very act of self remembering kills off, dissolves anxiety. The mind cannot be aware of the physical body and what is outside of the body at the same time. One negates the other.

D, responding to T, mentioned that David Bowie had also spent a period studying Buddhism.

At 10:30 the Meeting resumed the reading of Beelzebub's Tales, continuing from the point reached the previous month.

The two moons of Earth, fragments cast off from a cosmic collision, were described:

"Of these two fragments, the larger was named 'Loonderperzo' and the smaller 'Anulios'; ... in most recent times the larger fragment has come to be called Moon, but the name of the smaller has been gradually forgotten.

"As for the beings there now, not only have they no name at all for this smaller fragment, but they do not even suspect its existence.

"It is interesting to notice here that the beings of a continent on that planet called 'Atlantis,' which afterwards perished, still knew of this second fragment of their planet and also called it 'Anulios,' but the beings of the last period of the same continent, in whom the results of the consequences of the properties of that organ called 'Kundabuffer' – about which, it now seems, I shall have to explain to you even in great detail – had begun to be crystallized and to become part of their common presences, called it also 'Kimespai,' the meaning of which for them was 'Never-Allowing-One-to-Sleep-in-Peace.'

Z queried about the meaning of Kimespai, and D asked about the kundabuffer, and whether that word was related to the Sanskrit word kundelini. T spoke about the term planetary bodies as a possible metaphor for the human condition and if so the Kimespai, the crystallised Kundabuffer may be referring to the natural consequences of procreation, children who are often a shock to the parents system, for example "never allowing one to sleep in peace" from babies through to adulthood.  RM spoke about the value of kundebuffer, and how Gurdjieff had been keenly aware in his groups that some people, when opening up to the work and passionate about it, had become suicidal. Responding to D, "R" said that the term kundebuffer referred to a component of an energy system. RM said that the Bhagavad Gita and Ouspensky have different languages to describe the same things.

Following the reading, there was a discussion on which exercise to adopt for the coming month. D suggested the double-sided arrow. L pointed out that this had been chosen before for the exercise, and in fact was not from Gurdjieff, but devised independently by Ouspensky. RM suggested a self- remembering exercise from Gurdjieff: to hold back doing the thing wanted at that particular moment - on feeling a desire to do something, to stop and not continue the desire, experiencing what it feels like to resist doing the activity wanted. Time limits were discussed - the possibilities were to stop for one minute, five minutes, or to stop going for a thing altogether.

Repeating the Tome

The Meeting began promptly at 9am with a one minute silence, and then most of those present gave an account, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences and thoughts since the previous Meeting.

B was glad to have got to the Meeting, having overcome the desire not to come. He has been writing for the last two months. He has a desire to be introverted and to be backward in coming forward. He is trying to be more engaged and open, trying to find what his essence is. This desire has led him inward and backward. He is struggling to do two meditations a day, but, more easily than before, is accomplishing one a day. He is forcing himself to write, without using his own life experiences. It is hard to sit down and do it. Sometimes he hates it. It is strange to talk after a period away, getting back into the groove.

D has been thinking about the last month's meeting. "R" had said something about "self-calming". He did not agree with it being a negative thing; for him it is positive. He did not think it is sleep, and wanted to discuss this later.

BS, in his message from India, referred to Lent, and said that "for all those who like it, desire it, and are committed, all seasons are Lent Seasons. One period of 40 days over, another starts.  Time is indivisible. Life too likewise, till man's and Creator's work is done". He "feels the thrust (upward) of the words 'Hear if you have ears' as strongly as when he reads the word 'Hark!' in a Shakespeare play. When he reads the words 'Who stirs?' in King Lear, he instantly recalls what the word 'STOP' intends according to [Gurdjieff]. And he actually stops for two or three breaths. ... all esoteric wisdom leads to the same goal."

"R" had been baby-sitting grandchildren. One of them has a type of autism, Asperger's syndrome. She had been absorbed in her own requirements and lost her temper. It showed that her self image is just a dream about who and what she is, of someone who doesn't lose her temper. Something happened to show that this is not so. She was disgusted with herself. So it was back to square one, as usual.

L had been trying the exercise of "sacrificing anxiety on the altar of consciousness". This was another interesting and subtle exercise. He had checked out its origin, which is partly from a Hindu guru.

T had taken two weeks before remembering the exercise, and then forgot it again after a couple of minutes. She had remembered it a few times since then, and tried to stay with it. She was surprised at discovering she experienced a low level of anxiety most of the time, including during a mundane task of cutting up vegetables, she had an experience of being aware of cutting the vegetables at the same time as being aware of the anxiety. The observing exercise gave a sense of detaching from the anxiety which then seemed to reduce it. Responding to BS, his interpretation of the word "hark" in King Lear felt poignant. It seemed that Lent was his exercise. His comment about when 'Lent' finishes, the next 'Lent' begins reminded her of the creative need of starting to write the next book immediately after finishing one.

Calvin and Hobbes
by Bill Waterson

GC had seen a TV programme about the mind, on which a psychologist had said it is better to see a mental image of a tiger in imagination, than NOT to see a tiger in the real. Because of our need for physical survival, ten percent of the mind is occupied with fear all the time.

The Meeting then turned to responding to the contributions

Following up L's comments about the month's exercise, D asked about the results. L replied that he had experienced that the act of observing the anxiety led to its dissipation. It is like being in the anxiety, like being aware of the rain and putting up the umbrella.  D had experienced the busy-ness of the director of his play after emailing it to him. He said that if you want to get something done, go to someone who is busy. L said that most people like to go to busy cafes, as it suggests the food is good. D disagreed, preferring quieter cafes because he doesn't like crowds.

Responding to D's question about Gurdjieff's concept of self-calming, "R" described it as sending people back to sleep, where they are not open to the anxiety. Her teacher had told her: "we are looking for something to be righteously indignant about". D said that worse than anxiety or anger is boredom. People are frightened of emotional feelings, things they don't want to deal with. Avoidance is sleep too. L said he was reminded of a quote from Herman Hesse, "but secretly we thirst ... for blood, barbarity and night", people are thirsty for danger.

In response to GC's remark about the tiger, to do with anxiety, L was reminded of the maxim of chess grandmaster Aaron Nimzovich, "the threat is stronger than the execution". M said that when you worry you can't make a decision, you're putting off the decision. The decision clarifies the situation. Then the worry changes to a worry about the wrong decision. D opined, rather than do nothing, do something. He said that asthma is a form of suppressed crying. After his friend's funeral, he said to his friend's brother "I'm all cried out". Though D suffers from asthma, he then came off his steroid inhalers and hadn't used them since. Now he is writing; it is like pulling teeth.
He feels lost or closed when not writing. He can only write when the mood takes him. T suggested to D that he sat down at 9am and wrote how he was feeling at the desk. D replied that he has done that and it didn't help. "R" asked if he attended to his physical posture at the keyboard, and if he felt more alive when he is writing, more self-present. D said he has to concentrate more, as other things come in and distract. B said that when he is writing by hand, he is more lost in the middle of the writing than in real life. L mentioned the practice of Hemingway to leave a sentence unfinished at the end of a session so that he had something to go back to the next day. He also mentioned Somerset Maugham, who stated that inspiration struck him "every morning at 9 o'clock sharp".

At the 9:45 alarm, the Meeting resumed reading from Beelzebub's Tales, beginning with reprising Chapter IX, The Cause of the Genesis of the Moon. As there was much discussion, movement was slow, and in fact did not get as far as the previous month, and no attendee appeared to notice the material (and much of the discussion) was being repeated.

After the reading "R" recommended the forthcoming talk by Peter Brook (director of the movie Meetings with Remarkable Men) at the Gurdjieff Society.

It was decided to repeat the exercise of the previous month, sacrificing anxiety on the altar of consciousness.

Angst and Acquiessence

The Meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, and those present who wished then gave an account, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences and thoughts since the previous Meeting.

P had found the liquid exercise useful, and was remembering herself more.

L had been in discussion with a group of people in a coffee shop, and it transpired that one of them, though not a vegetarian, took special care to protect worms. L had made the remark "We are the worms". Later, reading the current section of Beelzebub's Tales provided a context, as one of the chapters is headed: "The impudent brat Hassein, Beelzebub’s grandson, dares to call men 'slugs'". Gurdjieff had used slugs as a metaphor for human qualities - they are slow and struggle against resistance, but have fine, receptive antennae. He had also recently read references to the triune brain in Kim Stanley Robinson's recent novel 2312, a concept introduced by Paul MacClean, which bears similarities to Gurdjieff's psychological model of "three-brained beings" formulated some years earlier.

RM had not been doing as well with the liquid exercise, but the counting was continuing to help, and he was  remembering where he put things.

D thinks he is being calm, but is getting very frustrated, as musicians for the concert he is organising in memory of his friend have not replied to his messages. He is trying to act calmly, to be indifferent as well as impatient. He thinks he is asleep, and feels as if he is walking in water.

The messages from BS were read out. [Removed at the request of BS.] ... He was reminded of this on the day of writing, the day of remembrance of Lord John Pentland. [Removed at the request of BS.]
 
T had been doing the exercise and experienced the liquid "going down the pipe". This feeling was utterly intimate at the same time as utterly mechanical - liquid flowing down a pipe - our body-machine for processing food.

The meeting then turned to responses to the contributions.

T said that D's experience was like the presence of several selves within a person. It was hard for her to get things together to do the act of painting, and it is several times more difficult to organize a group of people to make an event happen.

Sisyphus by Titian, 1549

D said that when his friend died, he wrote ten pages in a spurt of energy, which then reduced. He had felt like Sisyphus in the essay by Albert Camus, endlessly pushing the boulder up the mountain. Z has been feeling ups and downs of energy. The previous few weeks she has been working on patience. She had "lost it" when defrosting the freezer. Observing when this happens, she is using it as a trigger to awake to being present. D thought that in order to change, a person needs more energy. Z regarded it more like a letting go, and RM agreed. D asserted that energy is needed to do something different.

RM quoted the parable of needing a thorn to remove a thorn, and then throwing the last thorn away. He said he needs an anchor as other boats float by. T said that for her the anchor is her paintbrush, and wondered if for D it was the pen. "R" thought these sound like baggage. Z said this was not the Gurdjieff way. Gurdjieff was not looking for peace but for irritation. RM said the aim was looking for "the one identity".

D described Mark Allen playing snooker in Beijing as being unbeatable, and asked if he is in a state of peace when "in the zone".

L asked RM, referring to the recent meteor explosion over Russia, asking what people feel when they see a meteor heading their way. RM replied they can be in the moment, feel calm and peace. When people think they are going to die, they describe incredible peace. Z preferred the word "centred", nominally. L asked where Gurdjieff's concept of conscious shock comes into "peace". "R" stated that conscious shocks come between plateaus. RM repeated the metaphor of needing a thorn to remove a thorn, stating that this group is another thorn, and at some point he would need a boot to go somewhere else. "R" said that Gurdjieff saw self-calming as evil, and that we are chemical factories to transform courser substances. He was in a dynamic state of being, not a static one.

D asked "When are we deluded and when are we not deluded?" T referred again to the difficulties and resistance to doing creative work and how she had been impressed by a speech on creativity given by John Cleese, which refers to 'open' and 'closed states' of mind, both of which are required for original creative thinking to occur and motivate action.

At 9:45 the reading from Beelzebub's Tales continued. Beelzebub, speaking to his grandson, says:

... If you wish I will tell you first of all about the events of general cosmic character connected with this planet, which were the cause of the said troubles of our ENDLESSNESS.

D asked what "endlessness" means. L inferred from the book's description of Beelzebub's age and life that we live on different time scales from them. "R" agreed and said that a later chapter discusses this and refers to time as "the merciless hero pass". "R" explained that Gurdjieff is giving a view which is not subjective, but objective, looking at the earth and men as if from space. Time is connected with the planet's orbits. Even the life and death of the Milky Way is just a flicker. Z thought endlessness might refer to the part of us which is endless. M reframed this as the part of us which can be elevated to a higher consciousness. RM said that all of us is endless. Z said it helps her to consider that part of us is endless, and doesn't see anything as separate.

D said he feels that he can't die. But he can. He felt that even if he died his angst would not go away. L suggested that angst might be written into our DNA, and talked of the Kabbalistic concept of Ein Soph, meaning literally "no end". With regard to art as a response to death which may give meaning to life, L mentioned the poet Gottfried Benn, who had worked as a pathologist.

The reading continued.

... suddenly, on one of the very busiest days, the whole planet Mars was shaken ... Only after a considerable time had passed ... did we recover and gradually make out what had happened.

We understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon was just that same planet Earth which from time to time approached very near to our planet Mars and which therefore we had possibilities of observing clearly, sometimes even without a 'Teskooano.'

L enquired what a Teskooano was. "R" said it was an invented word, a kind of telescope, much used in what follows.

... the path of the said comet had to cross the line on which the path of that planet Earth also lay; but as a result of the erroneous calculations ... the planet Earth and the comet 'Kondoor' collided...

L commented that even endlessness is subject to chance events and therefore not all-powerful. It was also interesting that comets and meteors were so prevalent in the news in the previous few days.

...this Most High Commission ... resolved that ... planet Earth, should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance, the sacred vibrations 'askokin.'

"This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred 'Heptaparaparshinokh,' and the sacred 'Triamazikamno,' ...

"R" explained these terms referred to the Law of Seven and the Law of Three.

T stessed that the book is fiction. In fact all books and everything written by human beings is fiction, and the truth is that nobody knows anything. "R" said that the book touches something. D asked if "R" believes the book. "R" quoted Gurdjieff's advice not to believe anything unless you can verify it - the book is allegorical. D asked why do so many highly intelligent people believe in religions. L thought peer pressure was a factor. Z was reminded of the metaphor from the Tao Te Ching about the drop of water being indistinguishable from the ocean, if ego can be overcome.

...But afterwards, just in the period when they also, as it proceeds on other similar planets of our great Universe, were beginning gradually to be spiritualized by what is called 'being instinct,' just then, unfortunately for them, there befell a misfortune which was unforeseen from Above and most grievous for them.

Returning to the earlier point, L said that his view of the work was of engaging in struggle, whereas RM's view was of acquiescence. RM said that struggle is about letting go. L said that is possible unless there is an unforseen problem as in the last line of the chapter.

To close the Meeting, there was a discussion to choose the exercise for the coming month. RM suggested it should be to "sacrifice whatever is giving you anxiety on the altar of consciousness." He elaborated that the altar is a representation of consciousness in churches, a symbol. The objective is to be present to whatever is inducing anxiety. and to be aware of the anxiety and hold onto it as the trigger for being present".

On Death and Distraction

The Meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, and those present who wished then gave an account, for up to two minutes, of relevant experiences and thoughts since the previous Meeting.

D had suffered the loss of a close friend. He had been surprised by how much he had cried, and wondered whether he had been crying for himself or his friend. He thought this release of emotion very important for men. He had held his friend's hand in hospital, willing him to live. At the funeral, mourners could write a note. D had written: "Up United from an Arsenal supporter ". That was love, he said. In his grief, a poem had come to him which he wrote down.

Z had not managed the exercise at all, but had been giving attention more to what was eating her and where her consciousness was going, and had found that more useful. She had found it really helpful at the last Meeting, when we were reading and paused so that different people could express their thoughts on the text.

T had found the transitory nature of the exercise (lasting for the just the brief instant the liquid strikes the tongue), a reminder and symbol of the transitory nature of life, how one second we are alive and the next second, we are dead.

RM likewise had found the exercise difficult; he had been counting steps while walking, or at home, and over time feels he is becoming more present.

L spoke of a friend who had been considering coming to the previous month's Meeting. He found out a few days later that she had died on the morning of the Meeting. This was somebody quite well and vibrant, a fellow artist. This reinforced in him the importance of fulfilling one's creative aspirations in the present, as she had been doing, rather than waiting till some future time - this had been a topic of discussion last time.

GC had found it impossible to do the exercise. He had remembered it before and after the moment of drinking. Although he had suggested the exercise, it had come to him "out of the blue".

P had found the exercise very difficult, although she would sometimes have it in mind before drinking her coffee. She was intending to continue with this difficult exercise.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

S said she was new to the meeting, but had originally read "In Search of the Miraculous" in Japanese, a long time ago. Recently she had come across this book again, and resumed the practice of self-remembering, which she had been finding very difficult. Since resuming this practice, she had been having vivid dreams. She had been considering the distinction between thought and emotion.

The meeting then turned to responses to the contributions.

Since his bereavement, D has been doing more creative work. Before he was lackadaisical about it, now he feels it is spiritually important. L's music comes to mind. It is an issue becoming relevant to mental health. Writing is a form of self-awareness. It is important to have a balance between being and doing. One cannot deny one's emotional content. He felt freed by all the crying. His friend had died because he could not express his emotions. He had suffered from high blood pressure. Developers sacrifice their lives for their designs.

RM has found it extraordinary how we are becoming more aware of the human condition. We are aware of how difficult it is. The first thing is to know that you are in a prison. We need a shock to get us to want to wake up. Without the shock it will not happen. You have to hit a really hard place. He can remember himself when drinking. At a Gurdjieff school he once attended, they kept changing the exercise to keep it unexpected.

GC asked, "What is the human condition?"

By Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,
 from "The Little Prince".

M replied that it was a state of sleep.

GC said it was knowledge of mortality, our three score years and ten.

L said it was also about loneliness and solitude. As far as we know we are alone in the universe. Even after we colonise the planets, the stars will be too far away to visit.

At 9:45 the reading from Beelzebub's Tales continued.


AFTER the captain had gone, Beelzebub glanced at his grandson and, noticing his unusual state, asked him solicitously and with some anxiety:

"What is the matter, my dear boy? What are you thinking so deeply about?"

Looking up at his Grandfather with eyes full of sorrow, Hassein said thoughtfully:

"I don't know what is the matter with me, my dear Grandfather, but your talk with the captain of the ship has brought me to some exceedingly melancholy thoughts... 

Only now have I come very clearly to understand that everything we have at the present time and everything we use – in a word, all the contemporary amenities and everything necessary for our comfort and welfare – have not always existed and did not make their appearance so easily.

"It seems that certain beings in the past have during very long periods labored and suffered very much for this, and endured a great deal which perhaps they even need not have endured."

L could relate to this in terms of the history of music, which is taken for granted. Our world is full of objects created by other human beings.

Hassein continues:

"...And so, my dear and kind Grandfather, now that owing to your conversation with the captain, I have gradually, with all my presence, become aware of all this, there has arisen in me, side by side with this, the need to make clear to my Reason why I personally have all the comforts which I now use, and what obligations I am under for them."

L commented that he was beginning to see a possible symbolic meaning in the roles of the main characters. Does the Captain symbolise reason, and Beelzebub wisdom? This might be an additional set of metaphors to add to the description of the spaceship's propulsion system which is reminiscent of Freud's allusion to thermodynamics in his psychodynamic model of the human mind. The Captain keeps coming and getting called away, which may symbolise the difficulty of maintaining attention.

RM said the captain may symbolise action. The child symbolises discovery. and sadness about taking everything in the world for granted; and also experiences guilt and awe of existence - everything seems magical or miraculous to him. We are attempting to wake up. D queried if it was necessary to bring in guilt, which we tend to project onto us.

Following the reading, it was decided to repeat the exercise of the previous month, but to extend the period until the drink has been finished.

Mortal Toil

The meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute, followed by descriptions of relevant experiences since the previous Meeting.

Z had become aware of how much she had missed by missing a meeting. She felt she had drifted. She is more aware of what she is being eaten by, for example petty annoyances like not being able to find things.

T spoke of the reading for the month. It was initially about the spaceship, and quite technical, but she was moved by the later section about being-duty, where Beelzebub is talking to the child, Hassein, about requiring a period of preparation for the future.

RM said that, like Z, he had been battling against attachments, which might be petty annoyances, and are very distracting. Recently, preoccupied with such thoughts, he dropped a cup of coffee he was walking with - it cost twenty minutes. This issue really gets in the way of being in the present, which is what he is working on at the moment.

D has been reminded of mortality. He had a meal at Christmas with a friend, and phoned some days afterwards for a chat. A stranger answered and told him his friend had been taken ill and was in hospital. He has been visiting the friend. He went for a health-checkup himself. He has been doing the awareness exercises, and feels much more aware after this wake-up call.

M also spoke of distractions, saying they were a fiendish trap, by which one is robbed of one's time, and that it was an interesting coincidence how many were speaking of this in the Meeting, and suggesting that this indicates this problem be given special attention.

L had been influenced by the part of the month's reading in which Beelzebub advises his grandson to reach a negotiation with the different parts of his psychological being, asking each not to dominate as they will interfere with broader progress in the bigger picture.

GC has had some personal problems over the month, and had tried to separate himself from the problem. It had been difficult to sleep, and he talks to himself when that happens. Separation doesn't help him in that context, as the question arises who it is that wants to sleep.

P has been doing the awareness exercise with food. This type of practical exercise was a new experience for her, which she appreciated, as in other groups there had been lots of reading but less practical work.

[Removed at the request of BS.]

Responses to the contributions were then offered.

D thought that in the Meetings, we speak too much about the metaphysical. He wants more time to be spent dealing with our practical experience, analysing at which moments we stopped becoming conscious. If he got his group going he would want two-thirds of the time to be spent on that. Z outlined what the meeting is doing - discussing such issues and then reading from Beelzebub's Tales. T was not sure it would make any difference to discuss the problem more. GC said it would give moral support. RM maintained the solution is simpler, it is just to avoid distraction, and be in the present. L argued that this might just be turning a dream into a more vivid dream. Waking up is about consolidating round a single centre. Meeting with other people who are asking questions about what is real is a way of helping stir us from the dream. we need other people to pull us up. T added, or bring us down. Z said that if we do not wake up to this question, life lives us.

GC talked of simpler societies where people shared a common belief system, with no intellectualising. T mentioned the case of Malala Yousufzai of Pakistan, shot for promoting education for girls. L said that everyone had freedom of thought, but not all had freedom of expression. He preferred our sophisticated societies over the simple ones. GC pointed out that although they are asleep, simple societies are more at one with their environment. L said that things should be simplified, but they need to be as complicated as they need to be to enable the expression of freedom in action."

M said we must understand that we live in a common world and an inner world (comprising a soul, an eternal part, which very few are conscious of). The common interest of society is very different from the personal.

GC said the personal world is really imaginary. L responded that we are not natural. Anything we are doing can be an illusion and we might be asleep. He thought it best to follow the ABC principle: Assume nothing, Believe nothing, Check everything. An apparent experience of waking up might be a delusion.

Z mentioned the metaphor of the onion, where outer levels of skin are successively peeled away, and asked what was left of the personal world then? Did this process help one see more clearly?

Responding to D, L opined that death is our friend, in that not knowing when death will come helps him be awake. He went to a Christmas Party where somebody his age would normally have been present, but had recently suffered an accident falling down stairs, and had not recovered. This happened for no reason at all and suddenly she was gone. D said that it's not the events that rock your life, it is your reactions to them. The news he had received about his friend was a shock that woke him up to be present in himself. We take a lot for granted. We are attempting to wake up and we are falling asleep. We know the difference between being there and not being there. The effort for him is to be more present. Being more present, his sense of presence improves.

The Meeting continued reading Beelzebub's Tales.

...in spaces where there is no resistance, contemporary ships like ours simply fall towards the nearest 'stability'; but in spaces where there are any cosmic substances which offer resistance, these substances, whatever their density, with the aid of this cylinder enable the ship to move in any desired direction.

The Meeting agreed that this was a reference to resistance to waking, which can be useful as something to work against.

Later he alludes to perpetual motion, inferring that the journey to awakening can be sustained purposefully.

"... it can safely be said that, with atmosphere alone given, it will work perpetually without needing the expenditure of any outside materials.

"And since the world without planets and hence without atmospheres cannot exist, then it follows that as long as the world exists and, in consequence, atmospheres, the cylinder-barrels invented by the great Archangel Hariton will always work.

For the coming month's exercise, GC suggested using the moment when liquid touches the tongue as a trigger for self-observation.

Votive Motive

The meeting began at 9am with a silence of one minute. Then observations of relevant experiences since the previous Meeting were shared.

BS said [Removed at the request of BS.]

BW had been continuing meditation twice a day and writing as well. These activities are becoming habitual. As for eating and being eaten, he is aware that he can be eaten by a lust for instincts. There is a part of him that can take over in that moment, controlled by an ulterior motive. He can sublimate those instincts into his art.

This reminded D of an occasion when he gave a talk at the library after his book launch; unexpectedly he found himself in a situation where he had to preside over events. He just got on with the talk, and followed it with a question and answer session. The main theme was anxiety and depression, which he was able to talk about easily. It went so well, it was as some natural force took over. Somehow in this circumstance he climbed out of the dark pit, how free he felt! It was like two realities battling within. Emotions overrode any rationality.

RM said that over the past year he had developed the Fourth Way thinking, the practical application of the Fourth Way going back to Ouspensky's teaching. He ran a three hour workshop on this the previous Thursday evening. He was aware of communicating these ideas, and the sense of presence he experienced was unbelievable. He was a worker in that field to help people, and acknowledges that he doesn't do anything, it just happens, the laws of nature work, cause and effect. The cause started some time ago. The effect is on what he does, being present to that flow, which is extraordinary.

L had noticed different states where there has been a growing wakefulness. On one occasion, walking downhill to where he lives, he let the walking happen rather than doing the walking. It felt easier and faster and very freeing. He felt this was self-observation. There was something doing the walking. He let it get on with doing what it was doing. A sub-system that was operating. He had the experience of the multiple functionalities of whatever creature he was. In relation to the reading and the concept of the "law of falling", this experience did feel a bit like falling. By falling into this activity without interfering, he experienced that there is more space in which to observe.

T had looked through a year of sketchbooks, and noticed a difference in the quality of the drawings. The earlier ones are where she used figure/ground for the proportion, without any other frame of reference. Later she began using the floorboards as a way of measuring the picture, and a concertina door with regular intervals at the back of the figure. The framework was found in the actual reality in front of her. She then began to use the classical technique of measuring with the pencil in front of her eye to create a grid on the paper, in order to better see what went where in the drawing. What she saw when looking through the drawings is that by using the figure ground framework that she looked for in what she was seeing in front of her gave rise to a framework that was visible in the figure and made it look wooden or quite artificial as if the structure was embodied in the figure. But by creating a framework that didn't exist in the material reality seen by her eyes but was a measuring tool creating a grid in between her and the figure/ground it gave rise to proportions that were different, and to drawings that seemed to be not by her, but by another agency. This felt like a shift from one habitual behaviour to another habitual behaviour.

Windsor Painted Antique Chair,
by Stephen Kilburn,
Massachusetts, USA.

"R" considered money to be an enabling function. If you are really hungry in your search for something, you should bring your attention to every possible moment that you remember. Inspiration of the moment frees you enough to be open to something, aligning yourself with some kind of energy. The poor rural craftsmen who made their own chairs, put beautiful decorations on those chairs.

RM talked of moving from habit to presence. When the three brains work in harmony, there is a relationship between them, almost like another centre. When all three centres are working together, they have to move very slowly, at the speed of the slowest part.

L suggested as hypothesis the existence of a fourth centre, the artistic or creative centre, which moves at a slower pace still. RM thought this might effectively be the synthesis of the other three. When the three centres are out of balance you can see the dominance of one of the three. There is the demonic and the spiritual in battle with each other. When you are doing the work of self-remembering and you take this with you into the arts it is a truly spiritual pursuit. You have to be real, you have to be here now. Then the process is grounded, self-directed and harmonious. You can ask the same question about art as you can about money. Who is in charge? Are you in charge of your money or is your money in charge of you?

Pablo Picasso

L said that if an artist is open to the Muse, he is not open to the agent. Great art is inspired by the Muse, and does not get in the news. It is reactive and political art which is reported by the media. Art is part of human nature - Picasso said "Every child is an artist". His painting Guernica was a commission from the Spanish Government, but his earlier "blue period" paintings were a freer expression of his spirit with no financial or political motive.

"R" queried in what way early artists doing cave paintings were engaged in self-observation. L suggested that whether cave man or modern artist, the person is translating three dimensions into two, and has to be an observer, and whatever is painted is portrayed through the lens of that observer and in that sense acts like a mirror. T thought that "primitive" peoples might have been more aware than we are now. A said that great artists don't do it for money. There were great artists during the depression. She asked RM how to tell if one is grounded - we are always slaves.

The Meeting then resumed the reading of Beelzebub's Tales. The description of the spacecraft's propulsion system continues...

Striving to find an outlet from this, for them constricted, interior, they naturally press also against the lid of the cylinder-barrel, and thanks to the said hinges the lid opens and, having allowed these expanded substances to escape, immediately closes again. And as in general Nature abhors a vacuum, then simultaneously with the release of the expanded gaseous substances the cylinder-barrel is again filled with fresh substances from outside, with which in their turn the same proceeds as before, and so on without end.

Thus the substances are always being changed, and the lid of the cylinder-barrel alternately opens and shuts.  

To this same lid there is fixed a very simple lever which moves with the movement of the lid and in turn sets in motion certain also very simple 'cogwheels' which again in their turn revolve the fans attached to the sides and stern of the ship itself...

Discussing these passages, the Meeting assumed they pertained to psychological metaphor. L noted that Freud used the metaphor of thermodynamics in his psychodynamics model of the mind, being familiar with the work of the scientist Helmholtz. Similarly we, in our time, see computers as a metaphor for the mind.

Following the reading, it was decided to continue the same exercise as the previous month.

Holy Crap

BS, in his message from India, spoke of possible symbolism in images of Shiva. The closed eyes stop energy from going out. The crescent moon may represent balance and growth. The Ganges flowing out of his hair may represent new birth. The trident may be about time - past, present and future, with the middle one, representing the present, being the sharpest. On his left, the damru (small drum) may be an instrument of awakening, and the snake a symbol of subtle energy or of facing fear. 

The bull shows sheer power and health. The energy of the pindi (or body) is considered to flow down, and if that flow is stopped, it will rise up, hence the Ganges depicted flowing from the head, "activating Higher Intellectual Centre ...In some images of Shiva, there is shown a bowl hanging above from which water is falling drop by drop falling on Pindi and going down to the earth.  Or life passing breath by breath. Second by second, centuries pass."

BW has been meditating twice daily, and been experimenting with lucid dreaming, and has succeeded in having two lucid dreams. He has managed to complete a play to a specific deadline. On the other hand he had a simple form to complete in five minutes, but it took him hours to get round to filling it in. He has been reading about enneagram personality types, and recognised himself as type 3, as one who seeks approval from external sources.

D has put his project for extra meetings on hold, as there have been obstacles to the arrangements for venue.  There is so much work going on in the flats, replacing radiators - it is going on for weeks, the noise and commotion! He can't write at the moment, and is reducing what he does. He watches TV. Football is a distraction from the neck and back pain that he is experiencing. However today he felt more present, and woke up to come to the Meeting in the rain.

RM appreciated BS's email about Shiva, which he has been thinking about in the context of his reinterpretation of the Bhagavad Gita. He thinks it is about the death and birth of Shiva. It occurred to him that this whole thing about death is that it destroys the past. He thinks Shiva destroys the past, that everything he holds onto must be destroyed before he can move on. By not feeling consumed by the past, the next moment comes alive. "Consuming the past feeds the present". When he works practically with this attitude, e.g. building a motor car or anything, letting everything go in the past, he feels so much alive.

L said he had found the mindfulness exercise useful, and had used an app as suggested the previous month. It had been interesting to give attention to a part of the body using GC's trigger of when one feels uncomfortable with what one is doing. He has also been experiencing a growing congruence between different aspects of his life and work. Our culture separates art from science and he thinks it is possible to approach everything the same way. In more than one aspect of his work he is using Fibonacci ratios and golden rectangles.

Over the past month M has experienced trying to remember himself. There is always a choice to do something or not, always a reason to put something off (i.e. forces to put one to sleep again). If reviewing to-do lists shows that more things are being done, it is like a personal victory to staying awake.

T has observed that applying the technique of cursing the cursers to her own family, as in the story of Karapet of Tiflis, she is cursing her own parents and grandparents. We are all related so by cursing the cursers she is cursing herself. She has adapted the procedure following this realisation.

GC has been advised to try an exercise of becoming aware of his right arm, and finds he can be thus absorbed, but thinks he also needs to be aware of the outside world. There is an issue of how to combine these two types of observation.

"R" recalled that since being small, she has had the intuition that consciousness means being more aware of oneself. She has tried for a long time to be aware of every cell in her body, but always, eventually, stops being awake, and wonders why the state of wakefulness cannot by sustained. She thinks that working with other people with the same aim can help. Like D, she has an aching back which is very uncomfortable; and it is very strange, but when she is dreaming about something, the ache disappears. She thinks that it should be the other way round, that the pain should go when in a state of wakefulness.

The Meeting then considered responses to the initial contributions.

Responding to GC, D said he had to combine both internal and external experience. He thinks his pain is not just a pain, but is to do with what's going on around him. The constant refurbishment of his flat is annoying. He was a victim of authority in childhood, and can become too subjective - he feels he has to get over the obsession with himself. Walking over the Heath, being in nature always helps him. Walking through the concrete jungle, sometimes the song of a robin wakes him up. He has been talking to RM, who goes abroad frequently - the journeys help wake him up. T asked if the workers at his flat were waking him up. She said things happen to stop her working - when she begins her work, external noise will sometimes start at that precise moment, "on the dot". Perhaps the workers are providing a shock. RM said there is no shortage of external shocks, though they might not be noticed - these shocks can give energy.

M returned to the subject of meditation - you should keep in mind how you are and how you would like to be. This gives an indication of how you might improve. Over time, slowly, this type of meditation changes one's life. "R" quoted from the Bhagavad Gita, "No effort is wasted".

RM had been asking, what is a balanced life? At the start of the day, the world is in balance, then the day brings changes. On a recent voyage he had been invited to run a meditation group - this can go inwards (candles and sandals brigade) or outward (also an escape) - when getting a balance he felt a harmony. GC said that when he is experiencing balance, it finishes. He recommended reading the book Inside a Question, and asked BW to read out an excerpt:

I should end with a saying by Mr Gurdjieff: "Only two possibilities are open to Man, either to eat or be eaten by all these things we trust or obey."

GC queried if it is necessary to obey them, he needed vision and asked for comment by "R", who replied that everything in the universe feeds on something else - we in our turn may be working to feed something else; maybe all this agonising is part of the wastage of energy. We can try to get closer to energy that motivates the universe, which may be expressing itself. If we say eat or be eaten, we are speaking of an instinctive understanding to transform courser substances into finer ones. L quoted Dostoevsky, "Beauty will save the world". M said you are eaten with aggravation when things don't go your way. That "going wrong" is your being eaten. Z said that in the extract read out, she had a resistance to the word "obey". She prefers "obedience". Obedience to what you know is right, what effort to make.

D asked if one would know what to do if one were more present. RM said this would be the case. GC provided a counter-example - becoming aware that a backgammon opponent is better doesn't make you better, even if you are in the present. He recommended reading "Gurdjieff for Beginners" and did not agree with the monthly reading from Beelzebub's Tales.

The period for responses completed, the Meeting continued with the reading from Beelzebub's Tales. Beelzebub actually begins his tales to his grandson, talking of the strange beings inhabiting the third planet of the solar system to which he had been exiled:

The external coatings of the three-brained beings of that planet Earth closely resemble our own; only, first of all, their skin is a little slimier than ours, and then, secondly, they have no tail, and their heads are without horns. What is worst about them is their feet, namely, they have no hoofs; it is true that for protection against external influences they have invented what they call 'boots' but this invention does not help them very much.

Apart from the imperfection of their exterior form, their Reason also is quite 'uniquely strange.' ...  has gradually degenerated, and at the present time, is very, very strange and exceedingly peculiar.

Before Beelzebub can elaborate, the Captain arrives and a discussion, apparently on developments in spacecraft technology, ensues.

For an exercise until the next meeting, "R" proposed one on the eating theme, what one eats and how one eats - eating on all levels. Reduce it to trying to be present when picking up knife and fork. Self belief and confidence are important, as is having a sense of audience.